The joys of toilet training

Kids have played OK ish…Stan attached to me still really unwell. I look like I have escaped from an asylum…
Then Henry shouts mam Charlotte’s done wee all over bathroom floor it’s lots. I was sceptical.
“Charlotte have you wee’d?”
Lottie: “yehhhh Charlotte did poo πŸ’©”
Me: πŸ‘€πŸ˜Ά

*goes to investigate hoping its an intact turd on my just cleaned bathroom floor….*


Me: πŸ‘€πŸ‘€πŸ‘€πŸ‘€πŸ‘€

Bathroom flooded. Charlotte half naked at tap “😁😁😁 I WASHED MY HANDS YEHHYY”
Me :Charlotte why is there wet toilet paper all over…..JESUS YOU HAVE BACKED THE TOILET UP!”

* Egglestone throne fountains of sewage flowing graciously all overly bathroom”

Me “Nooooooo🀯🀯🀯”


Much time later after getting a life jacket,
…. jammed a coat hanger down. Nope
There is toilet water soaking up to the rims of my socks ….
Ssssarlett is paddling about like she is in florida water park singing ohhh hokey kokey,

There is no other way.. . If I Don’t stick my bare hand down this loo now the shit tsunami is going to reach my carpets….
Do it loz….
Take one for the team….
I mean it’s only my kids poo …right???

*ahhhhhh it’s sludge in my hands……. wait…why is it furry??? Has someone shir out a hamster? Has she flushed the cat?? …..
*looks about….*
Charlotte….where are all the toilet rolls? ”

“In the toilet😁πŸ₯°”

So after scraping out 3 toilet rolls with my bare hands … I finally have plunged the tsunami and I am now off for bathing my arms in bleach

Lauren xxx

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